Finding Your Own North Star

Did you know that there are over 200 billion Stars in the Universe? But there is only one true North Star!

While other stars’ apparent positions in the sky change throughout the night, as they appear to rotate around the celestial poles, pole stars’ (like the North Star) remain virtually fixed.

The same is true for your relationship between you and your right life. When it comes to your special destiny and life purpose, there is only one true North Star.

Finding your own North Star is a discovery and an uncovering that takes time, but the good news is the Universe is giving you signs all the time to let you know when you are off course.

A Clear Sign for my Good Friend

A very good friend of mine called me at 8:55 a.m. today and told me that he was fired from his job at the law firm. The same law firm I was given the pink slip at back in 2000. He has been there over 12 years and for the past 5 years has been extremely unhappy as well as stressed out. In fact, the stress was causing him to have migraine headaches, chest pains and acid reflux.

He told me this morning that it felt like a boulder had been lifted from his shoulders. I suggested to him that getting fired from your job is the Universes way of telling you that you were in the wrong job in the first place!

My friend has no idea where he wants to go from here or what his North Star is, but he does know that he never wants to go back into the legal field again! That’s a good beginning.

How I Discovered my Own North Star

You can read my bio of how I met Billy Ray Cyrus in 1992 while I was still employed at the law firm and how one simple question he asked me changed the entire direction of my life!

Billy Ray asked me what my dreams were; to which I replied, “I don’t have any dreams my life’s about survival.”

As a struggling single mother of 3, my energy and time was consumed with providing for my 3 young children. I didn’t have the luxury of thinking about dreams. I was working full time as a paralegal and legal secretary and every day I felt like a part of me was dying inside. I knew I needed to get out, but at the time I didn’t have the courage to leave.

So the Universe gave me a sign. I got fired from my job! Or as the law firm put it, “We’ve restructured the Department you work in and your job no longer exists, therefore, you no longer have a job!”

That was my ticket out of the legal field and I haven’t looked back.

The book that helped me find my own North Star

I took Billy Ray’s advice and went out in the world searching for this elusive dream. It wasn’t so easy to find my dream. I read books, I talked to people, but I could not figure out what my dream was. Then, one day I was at Borders bookstore when a tiny little book fell into my hands…that book was “How to Find Your Mission in Life” by Richard Bolles who also wrote a very big book called “What Color is Your Parachute”. There was a sentence in that book that helped me discover my Dream. It said:

“What do you love to do where you lose all sense of time?”

Finally! I knew the answer – I loved to write. When I was writing, 5 hours seemed like 5 minutes to me.

I am living my dreams of writing, teaching and coaching because that is what fills me spiritually. I talk to so many people on a weekly basis who are so unhappy with their jobs and who are killing themselves to pay the bills…and I want to help them improve the quality of their life. So they can live their dreams!

John O’Donohue, Irish poet and Catholic Scholar, reminds us, “To be born is to be chosen. No one is here by accident. Each one of us was sent here for a special destiny.”

So what is your special destiny?

Here are some signs that your are off course from your own North Star:

You’ve been fired or let go from your job;
You’re miserable at work;
You’re restless, unhappy and unfulfilled;
You feel drained and exhausted;
You’re depressed;
You’re self-sabotaging yourself at work;
You say yes a lot when you really want to say no;
You do things out of obligation instead of from your truth;
You conform to what everyone else wants and you no longer know what you want;
You have stress related illnesses most likely brought on by trying to force yourself to be happy in a life that doesn’t fit you;
You feel conflicted;
You’re in survival mode;

So now what?

Okay. You can relate to many of the signs above that your life is off course and you’re not following your own North Star…so now what?

Everything I am going to suggest is what I have done to get back to my own North Star. My suggestion is to let your heart guide you as to what the next step is for you. Here goes:

Therapy. I went to years of therapy because I felt like I was living the movie, “Groundhog Day” and I kept repeating the same mistakes. I wanted someone who could see my blind spots and help guide me as well as heal the emotional wounds from my past. I had the most amazing therapist who was very intuitive and changed my life!
Take an Intermission. I’ve been to many Shakespeare plays and during the performance there is always an intermission to get a drink or a snack and stretch your legs. When you’re in a job or a life that drains you…you need an intermission. If you can’t quit your job because of financial reasons, then at least take an Intermission and get away from your job so you can connect with the quiet voice within that will help guide you.
Quit Your Job. If you are financially able to, quitting your job is the best way to find your North Star because your energy and resources are going to the job right now. Once you leave that job, then you have created a nice open space in your life to go in the direction of your dreams.
Wean Yourself off of your job. Okay, if you can’t just quit your job, maybe you can work part-time while pursuing other activities that fill your soul. My last job in the legal field was an evening legal secretary job that was part time. I worked 3 nights a week from 5:30 p.m. to 1:30 a.m., which gave me all of my days free to be home with my children and to write!
Read the following books:
- This Time I Dance by Tama Kieves
- How to Find Your Mission in Life by Richard Bolles
- Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck
- Life, Paint and Passion by Michelle Cassou and Stewart Cubley (even if you have no interest in painting, read this book!)
- If You Want to Write: A book about Art, Independence and Spirit by Brenda Ueland (even if you have no interest in writing, read this book!)
- The Artist Way by Julia Cameron
Express Yourself. Many years ago, I attended a Speaking Circle and one of the attendees said what doesn’t get “expressed” gets “depressed”. I believe that is why so many people suffer from depression because they are not expressing themselves. Paint, write, dance, knit, play music, sculpt…we were born to create!
Follow Your Heart. If you are a left brained person like me (very analytical) you may need some help with this. My therapist referred me to a woman who did energy work on me. It was great because there was no talking so my left brain couldn’t get involved!
Meditate. You must stop the madness of your monkey mind. The term “monkey mind” is a poetic way of describing your mind’s constant chatter. The monkey mind refers to the little voice in your mind that comments on nearly everything you do or experience. Taking time once or twice a day to quiet the mind can prove very helpful in hearing the still quite voice within. Meditation, reflection or prayer can quiet the restless nature of your mind.
Follow your Bliss. I’ll ask you the same question Billy Ray asked me: What are your dreams?. Do that. I love to write.